Just woke up to find 92 emails in my in-box. At first glance I noticed the subject line on many of the emails said "spades" and "bikes as urinals." Rather odd I thought. But not really.
My next door neighbor is a real dirt bag; total white trash. Her husband works out of the house and she had a failed business and now just sits around, gets drunk, and screams and threatens other neighbors. How did this person get a place in Palo Alto? The landlord is a "slumlord." Stay with me; this is on-topic.
I'm guessing that her husband lifts the toilet seat to take a leak (as most men with proper manners do.) And when she goes in, you can hear her slam that toilet seat down with a vengeance. So I thought it would be funny to make some kind of a noise to "answer" the slamming of the seat. I found an old bell with a handle and set it down on the floor next to my computer. Then it happened; she slammed that toilet seat and I reached down and rang the bell (just like I did as an altar boy in my youth.) The first couple of times she didn't get it. But by about the 3rd or 4th time she did. Her response was to lift the toilet seat and slam it repeatedly--(harder with each slam.) Then I downloaded some sound-bytes of rockets, explosions, a man getting shot, a lion roaring and used all of those on her. That's when she blew a fuse. She came out onto the back upper deck with a 2 by 4 and started slamming it against the guard rail as hard as she could while shouting obscenities.
The Bike Part: I have an old 1962 Frejus. This bike is sitting around collecting dust.
The Plan: I want to rig up a toilet (on four little rubber wheels) and then attach it to the headtube and front wheel QR. The toilet will sit about six inches out in front of the bicycle facing and rolling forward. Turning is not a factor with which I need be concerned with as I am simply going to ride this bike up and down my street in front of this lady's house. My plan is to have the lid bolted in the upright position. I somehow need to rig up the toilet seat so that a cam, chain, or belt lifts the seat to a 60-degree angle and then allows the seat to drop and "slam" down onto the bowl. I want this urinal/bike to lift and drop the seat with greater speed as pedal speed increases.
I have decided to dress up like the "Tidy Bowl Man" and pedal this bike up and down my street.
I want this toilet-bike to look like a snapping alligator in motion as I cruise down the street. The old Frejus is kind of a lime green color with chrome head lugs. I thought I would paint the toilet lime green as well. Does anyone know of a source for this old Frejus lime green paint color? Then, I could put eyeballs and teeth on the seat so as the seat goes up and down it looks like a hungry alligator.
I forgot to take my Klonopin last night and am on a double dose right now............... I'm way out in left field.
Ted Baer
Palo Alto, CA