[CR]Barfed-upon Pogliaghi

A wonderful thing about CR is that the list welcomes all comers, and as a result we see expressed a great range of opinions and tastes. Because of this, it should not surprise me that the recently-outed Pogliaghi has found as many supporters as detractors. Yet this does come as a surprise. Looking at that unfortunate bike, and considering what I know about the membership of this list, I’d expect the negative comments to outnumber the positive by at least five to one. Maybe we’re collectively doing a good job remembering what momma said to do when you have nothing nice to say. Well, sorry momma, but that Pog is the equivalent of a vintage Ferrari with 20-inch chrome spinners, and I can’t keep quiet about it.

I found it odd that someone selling a bike like this on Ebay, and using the Ebay name of 1375bikes, would feel a need to say, ”I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT BIKES BUT…”

But, once I looked at the bike, in all its cheesiness, with its mangled rear caliper, misaligned brake shoes, and missing headset spacer, I had to agree. And what’s going on with the multiple sections of chrome on the drive side chainstay?

IT DOES NOT GET BETTER THAN THIS…

Really? That’s a little depressing

One member, a man of normally excellent tastes (that is, his tastes are normally similar to my own) commented:

“The wheels are hideous, but, hey, you can't have everything.”

And yet nobody told the owner. Just look at the parts on this bike. Sure, the wheels are hideous, but what about the fact that it has parts ranging from open-C shifters (bent) to late 80’s C-record pedals to 1990’s wheels and tires? The whole thing just makes me itch.

Another member commented, “Okay, the bike is not to my taste, but the owner certainly maintained his singular vision throughout.”

This is a singular vision of what, extreme eclecticism? This is a 1980’s bike with parts from a three decade time window. It reminds me of my four-year old-nephew on Christmas morning, running around the house with his new soccer shirt, hockey gloves, and Darth Vader helmet.

Yes, there was a time when color matching cables and painting in flutes and logos was the cool thing to do. The frame, and some of the parts, appears to be from this era. Assembled with all the correct vintage parts, a little, or even a lot of infilling could be quaint. This bike, with its yellow rubber and not-seen-in-the-era anodized chainring bolts is just some sort of modern bastardization of the 80’s fad. This bike is a grim reminder to me of all the questionable things I did to my bikes as a teenager with too much time to kill and an excess of Testor’s, World Champion stickers, and Semichrome (Did he polish the anodizing right off those handlebars?)

The same member added , “Perhaps we should remember some of the 1980s Baylis bikes... pink with polka dots?”

Yes, we should. But really, I’d rather see a frame with a distinctive paintjob that makes a real statement that can then be set up with a selection of parts that don’t upstage the frame. Or, I’d like to see a frame and parts that work together, with elaborate pantographing. Model paint in panto’d parts is cool. Pantographing highlights the brand or the frame and paint can tie things together color-wise. What we have on the Pog is a poorly selected and poorly installed bunch of mush, slapped on a nice and reasonably restrained frame, and then given the stockings-on-a-pig treatment in an attempt to tart things up. There’s good gaudy and bad gaudy. This bike is bad gaudy. It’s not even a good example of a dubious 1980’s fad.

And speaking of the 80’s, I think the seller is a big fan of the decade. Notice in one of the pictures his red and white checkerboard “Jeff Spicoli” Van’s sneakers. In the last 90 days he has purchased, among other items, two Members Only jackets, a La Tigre polo shirt, a Scar Face doll (NIP!), a Scar Face belt buckle, and a Cadillac hood ornament necklace. Wow, he’s a genuine 80’s fanatic! He also scored a set of floor mats for a Nissan Murano, so I guess his bad taste extends to things automotive.

Finally, there were these comments, the only ones that I think are actually objectionable:

“A Pimpin', Bitchin' Pog… I want to buy this pup and ride it in next year's Eroica, girls like this like to be slapped around and a few coats of strada bianca might do her some good…I am going to appreciate all the more my latest acquisition when my Gilles Bertraud racing frame arrives. She's 1980ish, too, but a shy French girl of quality with "G. Bertraud" on the down tube and that's all need be said. But compared to this Pog, she's going to be all alone on the street corner at 1.15 am.”

It’s annoying enough when people refer to bikes as “she” and “her,” so can you spare us the expansive, and painfully adolescent analogies? Bikes are not women, they are objects. Women are not objects, they are people. Have you ever known a woman who likes to be slapped around? Actually, reading into the tortured erotic associations you are drawing between bikes and women, the better question might be whether you have ever known a woman.

Tom Dalton Bethlehem, PA USA

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