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To: internet-bob@bikelist.org, classicrendezvous@bikelist.org
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From: "stevens" <stevens@veloworks.com>
Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 10:36:28 -0700
Subject: [CR](no subject)

As many of you are aware, my employer, Morgan Stanley, was one of the most heavily affected companies by yesterdays terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center.

I have heard from one of the people based at those offices that I've been working with closely on a project. Thankfully, he managed to get out before the first tower collapsed.

Morgan Stanley had 3500 employees on 50 floors of the various buildings at the World Trade Center. At last notice, about 1500 of them have checked in ... leaving about 2000 unaccounted for.

I have been working with four particularly, and about 10 altogether on this project. I've only had news about the one.

1 in 10. I've only met a couple of them, and even those meetings were very brief ... but I talk with them almost every day. I'm completely devastated. Not with grief, although I'm sure that will come later, but with anxiety over the unknown.

I'm at work today, at one of Morgan Stanley’s call centers in Oakland, California, but I don't know how to act. They've given us scripts to tell people who call in, but it all seems so cold, so impersonal.

I feel completely useless being 3000 miles away. When clients call asking about their money, about their accounts, about when the website will be back up, when can they place a trade, I just want to scream at them "Don't you realize what we're going through?"

Kim (my fiancée) says that one of the reasons she fell in love with me is because I always seem so stable, so stoic, when things are not going the way they should be ... the only time I ever really get cranky is when my stomach starts acting up.

I'm trying to put on a brave face for her and for my colleagues ...

I'm racked with emotion.

Much to my father's (ex-military, he) chagrin, I have some very liberal political ideals. I am not a believer of might equals right. I am not a warmonger ... yet I find myself wanting revenge. Part of me wants our military to find the people responsible and blow the shit of them ... if it means carpet-bombing Afghanistan, or Iraq, or Iran, then so be it!

And yet I know that won't be a good solution. By retaliating in such a manner, it will just mean that the terrorists will have won.

In a statement, President Bush said, “Those in authority should take appropriate precautions to protect our citizens. But we will not allow this enemy to win the war by changing our way of life or restricting our freedoms.”

Unfortunately, our way of life has already been changed, and many of our freedoms are already being restricted in the name of national security. They have already succeeded in shutting down the U.S. financial markets. They have succeeded in provoking feelings of hatred and fear.

And for what reason?

No reason can justify what happened yesterday …

The Bhagavad Gita says, “"If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive. If you want to see the heroic, look at those who can love in return for hatred.”

The Dammapada, a Buddhist scripture says, “Hate is not conquered by hate. Hatred is conquered by love.”

I am filled with feelings of hate for the people who orchestrated yesterday’s tragic events, but I cannot let myself become overwhelmed by those feelings. I must find the room in my heart to celebrate the lives of those who survived, to mourn the lives of those who perished, and to forgive those responsible.

Hatred is an all-consuming emotional weed. Once the seed is planted, it begins to take root. Like a weed, once the seed takes root, it is nearly impossible to destroy, and eventually it will takeover and destroy everything around it.

For now, all I can do is try be strong and brave, and try to find the courage to stay true to my convictions.

I cannot let my current feelings of hate take control, and I can only pray that my friends, my family, my co-workers and neighbours, and our local, state and national government leaders do the same.