Dear Listmembers,
I spent over two hours writing the finish to my ride report from last week and then my computer crashed. I'm trying to salvage my work by attaching it to this email; hope it works. If it doesn't I'll be bummed because it's a good one.
Brian Baylis La Mesa, CA Paying the price for computer ignorance.
Listmembers,
I've got a big day ahead of me this morning, the phone rings and the
party on the other end is distraut and sobbing uncontrollably. My God!
What has happened!? Someones' puppy got run over by a steam roller,
perhaps a bike was stolen, just got the news that their house has
termites? What the hell? Who is this and what disaster has befallen
them? Suddenly I realize! It can be no other. I respond, "Hey
Pergolizzi!" What UP!? What's the problem there, Buddy? The only thing I
can guess is that the weather must SUCK in New York. BINGO! It's snowing
in the city! My fair weather friend is calling to cry on my sholder.
Sucker, it's about 75 degrees here today and not even windy, it's awsome
outside today! I had to rub it in; I figure that's why he called, right?
He was feeling blue so he needed his buddy Brian to rub a little salt in
the wounds. I'm here for ya, Buddy!
Actually, he called to rattle my cage about finishing the ride report.
Since the gathering was in his honor, I feel obligated to comply with
his request. Besides, you all must hear how I got a little "revenge" on
the snippy drivers that populate Orange County, California, where I grew
up as a rider. Now I can't stand the place, mainly on account of how
bike hostile many OC drivers are. Down here in San Diego the roadhogs
are generally less aggressive and more mellow. Those people up north are
HARSH. So I turned John Pergolizzi loose on those snobs. What a glorious
day for Godzilla of the cycle to rampage through coastal Orange County,
leaving terrified and paralyzed drives in his wake! It was awsome! I
don't mean to make anyone jealous (wink, wink) but we have a very active
and abundant schedule of vintage rides here. On this occassion, Matt
Gosrki hosted a "Farewell John (Godzilla) Pergolizzi" memorial ride.
Orange County needed a dose of John before he left the area to return to
his native New York. I guess he didn't want to miss the last BLIZZARD of
the year, right John?
Anyway, here's the way the day went. Matty called the theme for this
ride "fixed gear" day. There were quite a few of the regulars here for
the ride including the ever popular Jan and Peter Johnson. Trust me
folks, there truely is not a more entertaining combination of riders on
the road than Jan Johnson and Pergolizzi. You might as well light a
match in a fireworks factory, I swear! We are a fun bunch in the first
place, but these two take the cake. Please allow me to explain, but
first a little about how these rides come off.
We gather at various locations for these SUPER FUN rides. I'm sure we do
better than two per month here in So Cal. Matt is by far the most
generous host and he puts on a few theme rides each year and feeds us
both before and after the ride, we hang out in his toyland/garage and
share fantastic stories, recount the event, and generally have the
greatest time on earth. At this reunion there was Pergolizzi and the
Johnsons, Jay Van De Velde, Brian Ignatin, Dave Staub, Greg Fletcher,
Charles Andrews, Andrew Gillis, Shaun (last name?) and Matt Gorski both
of whom rode 200 miles the day before!!, Chuck Schmidt, Ken Wallace in
from Phoenix, and the guy on the small Colnago. That's all I can
remember right now. The fixed gear riders were Chuck, Dave, Charles,
Jan, Ken, Brian Ignatin, and myself. Riding in order, a Waterford, '68
Schwinn Paramount, '70's Chiordia (sp?) road bike set up as fixed, Peter
Johnson fixed gear road bike, Hetchins Brillant with SA fixed multispeed
hub (ACS?), Motobecan track (I think?), and Baylis fixed gear road bike.
There was a communication SNAFU at the beginning of the ride which ended
up seperating us from our most honored host! CRAP! Matty ended up on a
Keystone Cop type car chase of our little band of road pirates. The
group sort of floundered along in the early going like a snake without a
head, without the guidence of brother Matthew. We proceeded southward
towards our destination of Corona Del Mar along our regular route. We
again made the mistake of riding on the bike path just north of the
Huntington Beach Pier. It is clogged with walkers, joggers, skaters,
dogs, and slow moving cyclists. The "speed limit" on this death trap is
5mph anyway, we should not have been there, but somehow there we were
trying to weave through the traffic just to possibly catch a glimpse of
some beach babes. Perdictably, it all came to a head when Pergolizzi
lays a little New York hospitality on this geezer who is riding the path
on a beach cruiser with apehangers and some headphones on who starts
giving us a ration of crap. He was probably blasting Beethoven at full
volume and couldn't hear a thing himself! Anyway, after an exchange of
dialog that can't be printed here, we jumped the path and got onto the
main road where now all we had to do was dodge hodads with surfboards,
and SUV's containing combative Orange County yuppies. Personally, I
ignore it; I'm used to it and I grew up with it in that very town, and
know how to ride through it with no problems. John on the other hand,
has a different approach to these type of people. Later on, I'll explain
further what I mean. The verbal exchange with gramps was priceless. He
graciously left me with the "quote of the day". Thanks, you old FART!
We snake our way through downtown HB and then the traffic loosens up a
bit. I even had a shot at sucking wheel behind a motor home, but I
couldn't catch up to it with the gear I had before it pulled away and
left me in the wind. That is one down side to a fixed gear, you probably
won't be pulling the wool over Johns' eyes and sneaking away behind some
truck. Kinda takes away some of the fun. I forgot to mention this about
the early part of the ride. Charles Andrews was riding a fixed gear bike
for the first time. We were talking as we were in the warmup stage of
the ride and he was telling me about how already he was sensing the
specialness of riding a fixed gear on the road. It does take some
getting used to. We chatted and then Charles sort of had the urge to
stretch his leg a little to get more comfortable on the bike. He
stiffened his leg to let it stretch and was instantly reminded that you
can't do that on the fixed gear; you have to suffer or get off the bike
and stretch. Charles nearly took an unexpected trip to the moon! It was
sort of humorous, but not really. It DID get Charles' attention. Ah, the
joys of the fixed gear.
As we altered our course from the bike path, apparently Matty had passed
us on the highway earlier, parked his truck, hopped on his Rene Herse
and rode north on the bike path to intersect with us. Like ships in the
night, we passed right by each other; the group out on the highway and
Matty down below on the beach road. I hope Matty at least scoped out a
few good bikinis in the screwup; I'd hate to think it was a total waste!
We bungled our way through Newport Beach and finally decided to go down
the Balboa Pennisula to the ferry and then took that across to Balboa
Island before continuing on to our halfway stop. Pergolizzi told me
later he really enjoyed the ferry ride across Newport Bay, a whopping
few hundred yards ferry trip. Fun though. As we are sitting at the rest
stop suddenly Matty appears! The first we've seen of him since we left
his house. Holy Crap! I really feel bad that we had this mixup. Matty
tells us he'll meet us on the way back at a bike shop we all know, so we
start heading back for some eats and some drinks. The temperature that
day was a record 86 degrees, I believe. As usual, the afternoon headwind
will whip in our face the entire 20 miles home. Oh well, that's the way
it is. Dave Staub and I talked after the ride and we both noticed that
it seems easier to ride in the wind on a fixed gear on account of the
momentum. As we're riding north now Perg gets a call that Matty has
decided to just drive to his house and wait for us. A rider or two that
was ahead of John and the phonecall didn't get the word that the stop at
the bike shop was canceled, so another seperation took place there.
MEANWHILE, in Sunday afternoon coastal traffic, a large truck has just
dropped off a large powerboat and is blocking one of the two northbound
lanes on the highway. Just prior to this, a giant SUV with a snotnosed
Newport Beach teenager at the wheel somehow begins to have some sort of
fit about us cyclists making our way through the jam. His young
girlfriend is in the passanger seat and another punk is in the back
seat. Our group was already strung out and we were making our way one at
a time. As luck would have it, Pergolizzi and Jan Johnson are the final
two in line. I'm just ahead and suddenly behind me a huge ruckus is
about to break out. I didn't see how it started or all that went down,
but I did hear Jan calling out this cowering youngster as the driver was
freaking out, probably engaged with Pergolizzi who was putting the fear
of God in the spoiled brat from Newport Beach. Ya gotta love it. The
girl didn't know what to think, how to act, or what to do as Jan
undoubtedly would carry out the threat of extracting the kid through the
windwing, if you were to believe her performance. John laid the heaviest
mind f*** on the driver that I've ever heard. He really knows how to
make an impression on those who displease him. I think this kid may need
some therapy, fortunately his parents can afford it. I'm sure the little
hamster in the back seat had to explain how that wet spot got on the
seat! But that's not even the best part! Up ahead where the truck is
blocking traffic, the SUV is suddenly faced with a motorcycle cop that
is directing traffic; who just happens to have been sicked upon the
rugrats in the gas guzzler by Jan and John. Priceless. The kids are
shouting, Jan and John are putting on oscar winning performances, and
the cop is probably wondering where Candid Camera is filming this from.
John may have more blow by blow, but there was a talking to by Mr.
Policeman to the kids in the lethal weapon. Another fine day in Southern
California. Honestly, as most of us sat down the road at the Vespa
dealer waiting for Jan and John, we couldn't help laughing at the sort
of antics that follow our rides around. I wonder what causes that?
Hummmm. Peter mentioned that there is never a dull moment when Jan is
around. Somehow, I'm not surprised. We have more fun than any kids I've
ever seen, we have had a lot more practice I think.
Finally we're on our way but Ken needs to refuel, so he hits Starbucks
as we begin to have visions of Heinekin and other goodies at Matts'
house. The pace is moderate on the way back but the group splinters as
we buck the wind home. John, myself, and the small guy on the Colnago
rode the remainder of the way at a good clip once we passed back through
downtown HB where you have to slow for traffic and skirts. During the
summer it can be hazardous to ride there; if you get too distracted you
could fall off your bike. It's safer to ride where there aren't as many
girls around.
We all finally made it back and Matt laid out the food. I believe the
term that best describes what happened to it would be "inhaled"! I was
really hungry as usual, since I don't eat much before I ride and I
don't like to eat much during a ride this short. Can't get eoungh
water, soda, and food when I'm done. I keep the beers to usually one,
but make it a good one. So we showed John how we ride and party out this
way, and John left his mark on California on several occassions. I'm
sure he had a great time, as did all of us who enjoyed his company. John
and I spent a fair amount of time together during his stay and we did
all sorts of things. The time passed too quickly, but I really liked his
contribution to our already friendly and fun group. He's like a hot
chili pepper.... .................clamped to your tongue with a vice
grip plier!
I was totally whipped from the 42 miles on the fixie and the heat, and
still we had a two hour drive home. Thankfully going the opposite
direction of the heavy traffic. I dread having to play for two hours at
rehersal when I get home when I'm thrashed like that. We leave Matts
just in time for me to pull into my driveway as the other bandmates show
up. No time to eat, clean up, or collect myself. Before I know it we're
working out "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. Crap! Not exactly a
lazy drum part! Give this old guy a break. But no, full on for two
hours. That's one long day my friends, but worth every minute. A day
FULL of things I love to do. Be with my friends, especially THESE
friends, ride my bike, eat great food, and play rock and roll all in one
day. Like I said, I'm not trying to make everyone else feel bad; I'm
just telling you what it's like out here in fairyland.
Wow, it takes a long time to write this stuff. My evening is shot, but I
got some significant work done today, talked with Pergolizzi on the
phone, and have now completed this mission. There you go, John. Thanks
for the memories. John mentioned that there is talk of maybe FOUR months
out here next year!! I had better sound the alert to the rest of
California, Duck and Cover, Pergolizzi may be comming back.........just
when you thought it might be safe to go back out on the streets!
Brian Baylis
La Mesa, CA
Quote of the day: issued by the geezer as he approiately hung from his
"apehangers": Why don't you punks ride out on the highway where someone
can RUN YOU OVER!
Up yours, old man!